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First Date Agenda

6:30 – 6:35pm – Awkward peck on cheek
6:35 – 6:45pm – Useless smalltalk while we size up each other’s outfits
6:45 – 7:00pm – Uncomfortable silence
7:00 – 8:00pm – Gulp down champagne, pate, cheese. Attempt not to talk with mouth full. Gaze at sunset through dense blanket of fog. Pretend to be impressed.
8:00pm – 9:00pm – Delightful but utterly forgettable conversation while champagne buzz lasts.
9:00pm – 9:15pm – Further uncomfortable silence as buzz wears-off.
9:15 – 11:00pm – Gather second wind as we listen and dance to live blues music. Breathe massive sigh of relief at no longer having to make conversation.
11:00 – 11:15pm – Get mugged in dark alley outside blues club
11:15 – 12:00am – Share increasingly exaggerated stories of danger we were in. Bond over near-death experience.
Midnight  – Turn into pumpkins
3:00am – Irresponsible and immediately regrettable texting
10:00am – Uncomfortable but mandatory apologetic voice message
11:00am  – Place head in bucket of ice. Consume two bloody marys and ride out remainder of weekend.

 

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